Wait and See
by AddisonRules
Summary: A theory on what Jo's thoughts were as she watched Mac at the end of "Exit Strategy" and what might come next.


I own nothing CBS or CSI: NY related and make no claim to. Just having some fun with the awesome characters they made.

Jo leaned against the balcony railing and watched as Mac took in the surroundings he was too busy to notice on most days. The faces and names of the men and women who passed were all known to him-Mac was the kind of boss who remembered those things and always made people feel like they mattered-but he rarely had the luxury of a long moment to really survey them, to see how they interacted with one another without the worry of a case or a ticking clock to make him rush past on the hunt for justice.

Justice had come today and a little girl was home again, a mother's agony ended. But Jo knew that the closure of the case, though satisfying to Mac professionally, had not ended the internal debate he was facing over what his future might hold.

As she'd read the report on the perilous rooftop encounter Mac had miraculously survived, Jo had literally had to fight back tears. It broke her heart a little that he was so good at containing his emotions, that he felt like he needed to carry that burden alone. But it mattered to her a great deal that he had finally opened up after a little gentle prodding, that he'd let her at least stand as a sounding board even though she could do little but offer to listen.

The idea of Mac leaving the NYPD was hard to fathom, and she knew if it was nearly impossible for her to imagine, the rest of the team, who had known Mac for longer, would be absolutely devastated if the final decision he made was to retire and walk away.

But Jo also understood the perils of staying on the job if you weren't sure why you were doing it anymore. Being a cop the way Mac did it... the way their team did it... it was who you were as much as what you did. And when it stopped making sense, it didn't just put you in emotional danger... it could truly get you killed.

As she watched the man who had become a respected colleague and treasured friend over the past year walk off toward the elevator and the outside world, Jo wondered about the thoughts in his head, about how much his sense of obligation to them might weigh on him in the choice he would make. And because she did know him better than he thought, Jo smiled and headed back to her own office to pick up her bag and head out for the night.

When she saw his SUV in the parking garage, she knew what her time table was, and she climbed into her own car, her agenda firmly set.

The walk home had done a lot to at least temporarily push aside the sense of disconnection that had been plaguing Mac since he had regained control on the rooftop after staring death in the face.

He wasn't sure how to explain what was happening to him... it was like he was somehow living his life while watching it happen. He couldn't remember ever feeling that way before, not even after Claire. Then he'd been either numb or in such intense pain, that was all he could feel.

This... it was unsettling and if there was one thing McKenna Taylor disliked, it was feeling uncomfortable in his own skin. But that was what the last few days had been like. Except for when he'd been focused on finding Olivia, the world around him felt separate somehow, as if he were a spectator who heard the world passing him by, the sounds distorted, as if he were underwater.

The first time Jo had approached him, her ability to get a read on his unease had left Mac a little defensive. And in what he now could refer to as classic Jo fashion after months of dealing with it, she had given as good as she got and gotten him to fill her in on the bodega case, leaving him with the cautionary warning that they weren't done talking.

It didn't surprise him at all that she was the one who had read the report and taken in all the details that he had failed to communicate to Don or Danny. Jo was a natural born caretaker, and once she'd keyed into the fact that something was going on with him, there had been no way she'd let it go. And talking to her, speaking aloud the troubling thoughts he'd been battling, had helped. He still wasn't sure what he wanted to do, where he was at in his head or his heart, but at least he'd finally acknowledged that he had a choice to make. He just had no idea what it would be.

He'd been so lost in his thoughts on the walk that Mac had made it home in what seemed like no time, but truly, it had taken a little longer than the 45 minutes the walk usually took him. Sighing, he entered his building, exchanged hellos with the doorman, and then headed up to his apartment. As soon as he turned down the hallway that led to his door, Mac understood the smile the doorman had been trying to keep under wraps.

"What in the world are you doing here?"

Jo grinned and laughed. She was leaning against his door waiting patiently, and at his question, she shrugged.

"Kid's away for a weekend soccer tournament. So beer, Chinese... I figured we could distract each other."

He gave her a look that was more "I don't need to be taken care of" than it was a no, but Jo reached into her purse in response, pulling out a DVD.

"I got 'Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.' You know want to stare at Elizabeth Taylor while I drool over young Paul Newman."

For the first time in days, Mac felt the rumble of his own laughter in his chest, and he simply nodded his agreement and moved to unlock the door as Jo picked up a large tote bag that had been on the floor beside her.

Twenty minutes later, they were settled into his living room chairs, the balcony door propped open since the night had turned unseasonably warm, with plates of food in front of them and cold beers ready to wash it all down.

"So you're not going to Ellie's tournament?" he asked, and Jo rushed down a bite of food before answering.

"No, she's feeling her oats and wanted a mom-free weekend, and now that she seems more confident with how things are going here, I figured I should let her win this one."

"Must be hard to know when to hold on and when to let go."

She nodded and took a sip of her beer.

"Ellie benefits from the mistakes I made with Tyler, not that I don't find new ways to screw up with her."

Mac knew Jo's kids, and from what he'd seen, she was judging herself much too harshly. Kids like that only came from parents who took the time to know them, to really let them be the people they were meant to be. But he also knew she'd never accept the compliment if he gave it, so instead, he turned to an omission he had made earlier in the day.

"I never said thank you."

She looked at him quizzically, but was mid-bite and didn't want to talk with her mouth full, so Mac went on.

"You got through to Jackie Thompson. If you hadn't..."

Jo shook her head and washed her food down with another drink.

"Once we knew about Olivia, any of us could have done that. Knowing a child was at risk changed the games for Jackie. I just got there first, that's all."

"Can you just let a guy thank you without the self-deprecation?"

She eyed him a moment and then nodded.

"Okay, you're welcome. I'm very glad I could help. It was obvious how much this case meant to you."

"I just hope Olivia will be all right. What happened to her probably saved her mother's life, but... I just hope she can make it all the way home."

"I think she will," Jo said, leaning back in her chair. "She loved her mother, despite all the problems. She went to that store to take care of her mom. That didn't die over the years. It just... just got pushed down a little. Time will bring it back out."

Mac hoped Jo was right. At least Olivia had been cared for, loved. He'd seen so many kids victimized over the years... and even though he'd never understand how Wes could have kept the girl away from her mother for so long, at least he had tried to give her some kind of life.

Thoughts of Michael Reynolds flashed through his mind, but Mac fought off the memories of the young man's sad fate. Olivia's story had a chance for a happy ending. He needed to stay focused on that.

"So I was thinking about our talk earlier."

Jo's voice gave him something to anchor himself to, and Mac picked up his beer, leaned back, and returned his focus to her.

"And you were thinking what?"

"Three months. You have a gazillion weeks of vacation saved up, so... take the next three months off. See what life feels like without the job, check out your other possibilities, give yourself some time to breathe. And then decide. I can hold down the fort till you figure things out."

It wasn't a horrible idea, and he did have more than enough time saved up to do it. Mac knew Jo was beyond ready to take the reins at work, and if he did decide to go, it would give her a good adjustment period to get used to life without him around.

The idea of him getting used to not being around... that was something he still wasn't sure he could actually make peace with, but he also didn't know how to move forward given where his head was at.

"And if I decide I can't come back?"

Jo sighed and leaned forward, her hand touching down on his knee.

"I'll be sadder than hell. We all will. But we'll know it's the best thing for you. And we'll let you go."

But could he let them go? Mac just didn't know. The team had become his family after Claire's death. They were his closest friends, the people he counted on and who he'd gotten used to looking after in return. Could he really walk away from all that?

"So you sick of me yet, or you want to watch this movie?"

"Well, I certainly can't eat and drink all of this myself, so you better not let the movie distract you."

"Have you ever known me to let anything distract me from food?"

Mac laughed and hit the play button, and soon the feigned Southern drawl of the world's most beautiful movie star filled the room. He couldn't help but notice that despite her talent, Ms. Taylor's faux Southern charms paled in comparison to those of his companion.

"I keep trying to imagine what it would feel like," he said later, two more beers and an hour of the movie having distracted him some, but clearly not quite enough.

He heard the chair move before he actually looked up and saw Jo pulling her seat closer to his. Mac watched as she settled back down and glanced over at him.

"No more thinking tonight. You have three months to think. Tonight... it's all about the sexy slip and the pretty blue eyes."

He was about to argue when she leaned toward him and suddenly her head was resting on his shoulder.

"Just stop thinking... and watch a movie with a friend."

Elizabeth Taylor strutted across the screen then, commanding his attention, and so Mac relaxed into his seat again and prepared to surrender to the chaos playing out on his plasma.

"Thank you," he whispered, more grateful then he could have imagined to just sit still and be and have his mind quiet even a little.

"Anytime," Jo answered, and then they both fell silent as the passionate battles of the Pollitt family played out in front of them, neither letting themselves think too much about anything, especially how natural it felt for them to be there together.

Like Jo had said, there was time for thinking... later.


End file.
